Boogers are my beat: more lies, but some actual journalism

A wacky path for politics

Wrong! It wasn't Humphrey

Why not poke a hole in a candidate's eyeball

Not it's time to say thanks for the chads that don't count

Party time, Texas-style

It's party time, as Philly gets phunky

Party politics

Rolling roll call makes bad idea last even longer

Encounter with Falwell gets surpisingly intimate

George W. survives his GOP convention speech

Real people, real issues, full nudity

There's glitz, glamour, the Clintons, but where's Al?

Campaign trail, freeways, finally lead to a vast parking lot

Joe goes Hollywood as Al plans to be reviting

Now it's safe to do some unconventional thinking

Call security

Frozen lips, barefoot skaters and who let all those dogs out

For a weird cult, they're pretty friendly

Competitive ski jumping is a weighty issue

Gosh! Heck! Utahans angry about skating

Don't turst any judge with two first names

Buses and mucus

In a battle of wits with kitchen appliances, I'm toast.

Camping at Wal-Mart parking lot is survival of fittest

War on smoking always has room for another lawyer

Fill out the census and win your own bureaucracy

Choice between death and taxes gets easier and easier

Don't forget to consider feng Shui and other deck tips

Was it hi-ho or hi-yo or did the Lone Ranger have a lisp

Who was that masked social security recipient

He didn't just buy a house, he bought a home repair industry

How to drive a man wild with desire, even a stiff breeze works

Your chld deserves a Halloween costume by Calvin Klein

100 years of solitude, waiting for customer service

Don't fear to tread

Terror on Flight 611, there's a baby on board, ready to shriek

Humvee satisfies a man's lust for winches

Dead or alive, turkeys can fowl up your life

By the way, those turkey snakes have giant fangs, too

A GPS helps a guy always know where his couch is

Road to romantic ruin paved with chain saws

Nice words about the IRS on the way to Leavenworth

Daddy's little girl a republican barbie

Onward, Upward go the sherpa and schlepper

Considerate guests use the gas station bathroom

Ban cellphones, unless you're attacked by a giant guide.

Quality! Craftsmenship! Service contract!

At 17 (months) her music tastes match dad's

He's got a broom and he's not afraid to use it

There's no denying nature's wake-up call

Grab your pajamas, it's world series time

Burger King puts worker's feet to the fire, literally

A truly terrifying act

Owner's manual step no. 1

Cap n Gown? I'll take the burger n fries

Fitting into that bikini is easy as (eating) pie

Don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing

Get the (birthday) party started

It's Oscar time, prepare the blow darts

Supersize your fires with thsi column

North Dakota wants it place in the sun

there's a Hoover Dam and now, the Dave Sewage lifter

N.D.'s new Barry Building takes your breath away

Steve's Schnapps kept the frost off Dave's bobber

Send in your weasel jokes (unless you're Canadian)

Penelope Cruz is NOT having Dave's baby

Learning to love the computer, warts and all

It's all about cloning, not clowing

Book-tour blues

Just for being Americans

hallowed ground

Conclusion.